Tacos and Ashes

Have you ever given a heartfelt gift to someone, and it starts off as the sweetest, most touching moment only to spiral into an absolute morbid disaster?

Well, welcome to the tale of me and my dear friend Bre.

The other day, we met for lunch at this cute local taco place with outdoor seating…perfect for Bre’s enormous 110-pound German Shepherd. We snagged a sunny picnic table near the kids’ play area, ate some amazing tacos, and laughed until our sides hurt. Toward the end of lunch, I reached into my purse, pulled out three little boxes, and set them on the table. Bre immediately gave me that “What did you do now?” look.

“Remember the other day on the phone,” I said, “when you sent me links to those three cremation necklaces you were thinking about for Tyler’s ashes?” (Tyler, her sweet teenage son, passed away a few years ago.) “Well, I got all three. I figured you could see them in person and decide which one you like best.”

Her jaw dropped, and we excitedly ripped open the boxes. Each necklace had a sloth design since that’s Tyler’s spirit animal. One, in particular, stood out. It was a sloth holding a blue gem that caught the sunlight just right. It was stunning, and Bre instantly loved it.

Then curiosity got the better of us. Bre started fiddling with the necklace, trying to figure out how it opened. It looked like it unscrewed, so she twisted the cap and peeked inside to see the container’s size. That’s when her expression shifted into part confusion, part disbelief. She tilted the necklace upside down, gave it a little tap, and…ashes fell out. Actual. Ashes.

We just stared at the table, our brains short-circuiting. Whose ashes are these? Why are they in this necklace? And what do we do now?

After a few seconds of panicked laughter and nervous jokes, I grabbed the necklace and said, “I’ll clean it up. I got this.” So I marched into the taco shop bathroom, clutching this ash-dusted necklace like some kind of unhinged CSI investigator. While rinsing it out, I found myself explaining the situation to a random woman washing her hands. Her face went from mildly curious to full-on horrified. Trying to backtrack, I blurted, “Oh no, I didn’t wash all the ashes down the drain! They’re still on the table outside.” She gave a nervous laugh and left me there, officially labeled as the crazy lady rinsing out someone’s ashes at a taco shop.

When I got back, Bre was still sitting at the table, staring at the ashes like they were going to explain themselves. And what did I do next? Well, it was such a tiny, minuscule amount…so I just casually blew them off the table. Except, instead of floating into the breeze, they landed right on the kids’ Jenga blocks next to us. Because why wouldn’t they?

Now, let’s pause and address the real question here: WHO RETURNS A CREMATION NECKLACE WITH THEIR LOVED ONE’S ASHES STILL IN IT?! Who thought, “Nah, not feeling this one,” and sent it back like a pair of jeans? That’s like returning shoes with your feet still in them!

We ended up cracking jokes to cope with the sheer absurdity of the situation because, honestly, what else could we do? So, now, some random person has been lightly sprinkled across a kids’ play area in Texarkana. I really hope they enjoyed traveling while alive.

Lessons learned? Always check the return policy and maybe don’t open things that could contain surprise ashes at lunch.